


Disappear when they come for me

by redroslin



Series: Written in the scars [4]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Dee is too good for these assholes, Friendship, Gen, Helo is everyone's big bro, Mid-Canon, Pre-OT4, Timestamp, Virtually canon-compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 22:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14724782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redroslin/pseuds/redroslin
Summary: They'd abandoned most of the human race on godsdamned New Caprica. Her husband wasn't speaking to her. The Admiral was a distant shell. Everyone was about two steps away from going right off the deep end, and they had no rescue plan--and even less hope. But at least she had Karl in her corner.





	Disappear when they come for me

**Author's Note:**

> Caveat lector: I probably shouldn't admit that I referred to this one, for a while, as The DepressoPrequel. It was supposed to be a story about friendship and love and supporting each other in dark times, and I hope it's still that. But it isn't much fun, because New Caprica era sucks.
> 
> TLDR: Dee deserves everything good in the universe, and heaven knows how she made it through this part of canon if it wasn't thanks to Helo. (And vice versa.)
> 
> Title from Pink's Just Like Fire.

"How's today treating you?"

The sound of Karl's voice over the wireless was a balm. Dee could already feel the tension headache she'd been carrying since lunch start to lift, the knots in her shoulders beginning to relax. Not completely, of course--but a little of the horror faded the minute she picked up Karl's wireless call, the way it always did.

"Not so well," she admitted. No need to mention why.

"You know," he agreed, "I've got to stop asking that question. No one wants to think about their day."

She took a sip from her lukewarm cup--tea, because Dee moderated her vices with military precision, and chatting codependently with Karl on the wireless every few days was bad habit enough for her--and shrugged. "We could all just stop speaking to each other."

"Starting to seem like there's nothing new to say over on Pegasus?"

"Starting to seem," she rebutted, "like the only people who have anything to say aren't frakking saying it."

"I know what you mean," he agreed, and she breathed out a sigh of relief that he hadn't remarked on her outburst. "Not a lot of constructive conversation going on over here, either."

"Not much to communicate about," she observed with studied neutrality.

"That's true, but..." She imagined him shaking his head.

"I know. It's not the whole story. How's Sharon?"

"She's been doing a lot of reading, the past few days," he said. "Something the Admiral gave her. Epittus?"

"Epictus." Dry, but anything to read had to be a relief after interminable months in lockup. " _On Self-knowledge and Reason_?"

"How'd you know?"

"The Admiral tried to give it to me a while back, but I'd read it in high school so he found me a book of Libran poetry instead." She shook her head, remembering the conversation. "I think he was put out that I left more classical philosophy canon behind on Sagittaron than he ever had on his shelves."

"That sounds like the Admiral."

Dee smiled, despite herself. "Does Sharon like Epictus?"

"I think so. She likes talking with the Admiral about it, anyway. She doesn't really--"

Even with Karl, there were as many taboo subjects as there were things they could talk about, these days. Topics they didn't mention included: Kara Thrace, Sharon's endless stint in Galactica's brig, Lee's nihilistic drift into self-neglect, and tiny, dead, perfect Hera Agathon.

(Karl had talked to Dee about Hera's death just once, the day before Dee was assigned to Pegasus and a couple of hours after he'd cast his daughter's ashes into space. Dee had meant to be there for it, along with Karl and the Chief, but the AM comms operator was down with a stomach flu so Dee had wound up pulling a double on her last day on Galactica while Karl scattered his baby's ashes to the stars.

When she'd finally left the CIC she'd gone straight to Karl's duty locker, where she dogged the hatch and warned off anyone who tried to get in while he paced the room and raged at the gods for the better part of an hour.

So, no, they didn't mention Hera.)

"The Admiral needs someone to talk to," Dee said carefully, trying not to say the wrong thing while she was struggling to remember not to say the _other_ wrong thing. "I'm glad he has Sharon's loyalty. And that she has his."

"It's an improvement," Karl agreed. "Have you talked to the Admiral recently?"

"I think he--" She stopped herself. Took a careful sip of cooling tea while she chose her words.

"You're seriously considering not telling me what you're thinking just because I'm his XO, aren't you?" She could hear the cocky grin in Karl's voice, and it made her smile even though he couldn't see her.

"Yes," she admitted. She knew Bill Adama was a human being, and so did Karl, but she wouldn't have discussed the Admiral's blind spots with Colonel Tigh and it seemed in poor taste to discuss them with his current XO--even if his current XO was her best friend.

"Come on. When have we ever kept secrets, Dee?"

"That's right," she scoffed. "Because you definitely told me when you were pining after Boomer."

"Boomer was with the Chief! And that's not the same thing. Plus you were smart enough to figure it out on your own."

"So was anyone with eyeballs who met you!" she laughed.

"Says you."

After a moment's pause, she circled back to her original thought. "I feel like the Admiral thinks he's ceding me to Lee."

"Hmm," Karl scoffed, sounding unsurprised. "Of course he does."

"Right?" she asked. "Like I'm a piece of livestock or something."

"Little Dee, the sweetly singing sheep."

"I think I'd rather be a horse than a sheep."

"Dee, the extremely elegant equine."

"Thanks," she drawled. "I'm glad he talks to Sharon, though. Someone should be speaking to each other around here."

" _We_ talk," Karl reminded her.

"We do." _But you're not my husband_ , she thought but didn't say. Instead, she admitted, "I'm not sure Lee's sending regular reports to the Admiral anymore."

"That," Karl said too carefully, "doesn't sound like Lee."

"Or it sounds too much like Lee," she said, with far less care. "Do you think he always needed Starbuck to kick him in the ass, or was he a moderately capable officer at some point?

"Dee," Karl chided.

"Frak. I'm sorry. I'm just so frakking frustrated."

"I know." Karl forced a chuckle. "If only the Dee I met that first year at CMA could hear you now, swearing up a storm."

"That Dee would hate me," she said blankly.

"No," he said immediately. "She wouldn't. Dee--"

"She would," she said softly, thinking of the promises she'd made herself in her first few months on Caprica--to never compromise, to never live another lie like the ones she'd left behind on Sagittaron. To never let herself regret. "I swore I'd never--I'd never do this."

"None of us expected to live like this," Karl pointed out.

At least he never said I told you so. Karl was too good for that; still, he had warned her. About Kara and, years later, about Lee.

Not that there had been a chance in seven hells that she would listen. What was a little bit of heartbreak, after all, when you'd already survived the loss of everything twice over?

"You know that isn't what I meant."

"Yeah. I know."

She shook her head. "Frak this."

"I'm worried about the old man," Karl admitted.

"Me too," she said softly. "But all we can do is be here for them, right? They're going to figure out a way. Somehow we'll get everyone off New Caprica. We have to."

She almost asked him, then, the ridiculous question that lived on the tip of her tongue--the one that hovered in the air between her and Lee when they spoke, that lay in bed with them at night. _Do you think Starbuck's alive?_ The words lived inside her mouth, died with her breath, and never passed her lips.

"Yeah," he said. "Somehow."

 

NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE END

BUT YOU KNEW THAT


End file.
